Your brother lost his job and needs help with his mortgage payment.

Your mother doesn’t get enough Social Security to cover her basics and presents for the grandkids.

You put the Friendmas dinner on your credit card - and the same few people haven’t (or won’t) paid you back.

Finding yourself being asked for money can happen at any time, but there may just be more opportunity for it at the holidays, since:

And it feels weird to discuss money with people you know. There’s a guilt factor if you don’t help someone who needs it, but there can also be resentment if you shell out for someone who doesn’t appreciate it, wastes it or never pays you back.

Plus, it can bite your financial (or physical) self in the butt.

A Bankrate survey found that 44% of those who provided financial assistance to someone close to them ended up facing negative circumstances. (Bankrate)

Sound familiar? The answer is this: You need to set firm financial boundaries with yourself first.

Ask yourself:

If you don’t know - you need to do some work before you agree to make any monetary decision.

Every scenario will be different.

For example, is your brother asking for a formal loan?

If you decide you’ll lend him money, sit down together and set a plan that includes his payment schedule. Set the terms up front and get it in writing.

Does it feel awkward as hell? Probably. But being up front not only saves you hassle down the road, it also shows a level of respect for yourself and the person you’re helping.

Knowing what you’re capable of lending out draws a clear line in the decision-making sand if someone hits you up.

You may be able to pay for dinners once in a while, but you know you can't help them with a large financial loan.

If you aren't aware of your own financial limits, you may think you can help someone and find out later how much doing so damaged your own situation.

Being able to tell your family or friends about your boundaries is crucial.

Be clear and polite if you're in this situation. Try to bring this up as early as possible, but when appropriate.

For example: Your friend asks for you to front for a concert ticket. They ask you to wait for repayment until they can pay you in cash.

Now is your opportunity to bring up your financial boundaries.

“Sure, but I need a Venmo request to pay off my credit card bill because I don't carry a balance.” Simple.

You may feel pressure or guilt to help someone out, especially if they’re struggling.

Think of your boundaries as a gate - don't allow outside pressures in that can negatively affect your own finances.

As we mentioned above, there are other ways to assist someone in financial trouble, and throwing money you don’t have at the problem may even make it worse.

If you want to alleviate the guilt, offer support, a listening ear, resources or advice. You haven’t turned your back on them, but you’ve stuck to your boundaries.

If you're able to help but have set and maintained clear boundaries, you can still make special considerations.

Sometimes, splitting a bill or lending money does make sense for you, especially if this friend has helped you financially. 

Establishing these boundaries with yourself before someone asks for financial help will allow you to be more decisive. 

Today let’s try a little anagram trivia, we’ll give you a clue that leads to two words that are anagrams of each other.

eg. “to pay attention and completely quiet”
answer: listen, silent